End of 2011 Journey

All i can say is.. 2011 is the year with most lessons of life. For me. And for anybody.

In 2011, I learned things.

How to manage time almost-perfectly. How to negotiate with people. How to argue. How to depend on myself when there's nobody else in most of the time. How to be balanced. How to train dragon... kidding. How to meet people you don't even know before and try to get along well with them. How to create ideas and sell it. How to insist, little insist, people smoothly. How to reverse fact without breaking them. How to fake smile beautifully. How to dry tears in seconds. How to hold emotions. How to love and be loved. How to look good. How to make a mess and fix it. How to say sorry and see what's next. How to minimize feeling. How to these. How to those. Thousand of how-tos more i can find but not to write.

In 2011, I got much.

Loads of experiences: making school events (LabsProject 2011 "Imagine-Nation"; LabsRecital'11; etc.), being a part of organizations, doing things I've never done before and want to do it again sometime, doing things I've never done before but don't want to do it again, going to new places, meeting new people, trying foods, and all good things you can wonder.

Lots of love: hugs, kisses, cuddles, tickles, and all sweet things you can wonder.

Parties: dresses, makeups, heels, treats, nightouts, musicbeats, and all fancy things you can wonder.

Quality times: intern jokes, laughs, tears, tv series, sleepovers, chicklits, Harry Potter DVD marathon, hot guys, cute guys, and all cheesy things you can wonder.

In 2011, I suffered loss.

We all did.

But for me, losing friends, particularly best friends, was a brand new thing.

I didn't expect losing two of my bestfriends would happen that quick. Of course nobody did. But yes it was. Happened in January and February this year, both on the last week of the month. They had been through the same thing in a different way. But yes, this life has the same destination for every way we take.

So this is the point. Where we all gonna say "Happy New Year!" to each other. Light up the fireworks. Reminisce the previous one year. Hope for the better days one year ahead. Try to create a new title of lovesong. Pour the new cup of fresh and warm life. Built a new high-end lifestyle. Catch new wonderful dreams. Pray for parents, friends, relatives, and lover. Aim for a different routine which is not boring. Curse the gloomy days happened before.

But deep inside we all know, the past we left behind will become something we miss.

We miss.

Everyday of our new better life.

We all do.

Missing what has happened.

And ask God to make it happen again.

But it just don't work like that, we realize.

We cry.

Then we continue living.

That's why we're human.

Tempus fugit, non autem memoria

Currently reading: Antologi Rasa by Ika Natassa

kaya biasa, type of urban chic novel yg metropop banget. tapi banyak info2 menarik yg buat seorang anak sma kaya gue.. pengetahuan dan wawasan terbatas.. jadi ngerasa intelek pas baca. ahahah. light yet sophisticated. dan berhubung gue juga udah baca AVYW dan Divortiare (I've once written about it in the old post. Check here!) , baca ini jadi menguatkan kesan gue tentang gaya nulis Ika Natassa. dan gue suka.

jadi ceritanya dari sudut pandang 3 orang yang sahabatan but actually without them exactly knowing that they're in a circle of love. sudut pandang satu: Keara, the woman whom all girls want to grown up to, cantik pinter dan bisa nyeimbaingin hidup. ituuu banget, nyeimbangin hidup. as a Libra i'm proud to say i love balancing things. jadi yg kaya gitu tuh, karir jalan, main jalan. otak muter, hepi2 tetep. but still, Keara, sebagus apapun gue gambarin dia kaya apa menurut imajinasi gue, has problems. iya, semua pasti punya problems, even the imaginary characters from a book. jadi kayanya gue harus stop ngerasa berat kalo punya problem, jalanin aja kali ya, semua orang juga punya. 2 sudut pandang lain dari Ruly dan Harris, both men, many differences between them. pokoknya gitu deh coba yg pada suka bacaan ringan but still berbobot dicek ini di toko buku terdekat :3

beberapa hal yang gue dapet pas baca buku ini:

1. how to look life in adolescents way. aihhh pasti ini juga gampang ditemuin kalo nonton film atau apa kek. tapi gatau deh tiap abis baca buku beda pasti cara pandang gue ttg grown-ups' life tuh jadi beda lagi tapi ya intinya sih sama. hati2 di jalan. gitu aja.
2. quotes. berhubung gue lagi dalam masa-masa ngumpulin nyawa buat reborn, quotes jadi berasa penting banget apalagi kalo ngena. dan i love how judul bab di buku ini pake quotes dalam bahasa latin. the sexy latinos! nyokapnya sebagian besar bahasa di dunia kali ya. judul post gue kali ini juga salah satu judul bab yg gue kutip dari Antologi Rasa. artinya: "Time flies, but not memory." truly true banget kan.
3. good songs. abis baca gue langsung download album John Mayer karna gue sebenernya dengerin Mayer cuma beberapa yg umum aja ga semua jadi pengen dengerin Edge of Desire yg dibahas2 Keara mulu dibuku itu.
4. languages. kaya american slang words, atau urban words dll. gue terlalu males browsing ke urbandictionary buat nyari tau kata2 macem 'number one' dan 'number two' itu bisa diartiin apa ahaha.
5. dan banyak lagi topik2 yg bikin gue ngerasa rada bego karna ga ngerti. misalnya kaya omongan2 tentang literatur atau fotografi atau yah macem2 lah. sekali lagi...gue mungkin gue masih terlalu piyik buat ngerti...beda dunia...emang.

thats all.

btw gue abis sign up account di goodreads.com. sounds like fun.. gue belom ngerti dan gapunya temen disitu yaiyalah gue gatau mau temenan sama siapa haha jadi gue cuma ngerate2 buku2 yg pernah gue baca doang dan main2 quiz gitu haha.

well..

Tempus fugit, non autem memoria

iya banget. khususnya buat orang2 yang dianugrahi photographical memory kaya Keara. dan kayanya gue juga punya sepercik skill itu deh.. walau gangaruh kalo urusan ngafalin pelajaran. tapi gue gampang banget nginget detail. kaya misalnya gue sekarang masih bisa inget kalo ditanya kira2 tanggal 9 april itu lagi dimana, ngapain, bahkan gue inget waktu itu gue pake baju apa, beli makan apa, bbman sama siapa aja, ngomongin apa aja. yang kaya2 gitu yang gampang gue inget. makanya kan ribet kalo mau moveon cailahhh. the memories can't fly as free as the time.

then..

makanya gue suka baca buku. menuh2in otak. cara ampun ngeluarin sesuatu dari otak kan dengan ngisi pake yang lain2 sampe kepenuhan sendiri dan terdorong keluar. jadi inget dulu baca toddler book punya gue pas masih balita, dibeliin nyokap, ceritanya tentang sekumpulan burung bangau yang pengen ambil minum di kaya lobang gitu tapi paruh mereka belom sampe ke permukaan airnya. dan mereka masuk-masukin batu ke dalem lobang itu sampe permukaannya lama2 naik dan akhirnya mereka bisa minum. matching ngga tuh analogi gue, bisa kan. jadi diisi ajaa otak nih sampe penuh dan akhirnya beberapa memori bisa tumpah keluar. kira-kira kaya gitu lah.

so..

pick your own happiness to free urself!

xoxo

Stressfully stressed, depressed, ....and obsessed

Hell no, my phone is dead. AGAIN.

Since his first death in the night of June 22nd, and reborn at June 25th, he's all fine. Well yes, he had been through so many crash but he survived.

The last time of the death of my bb was that Wednesday, I was having dinner at Sumo Sushi with.. that person. And the not-that-smart phone was rebooting again and again but always stopped at one point, couldn't complete the work. So stressed. But ...that person killed the depressed. I couldn't reach my mom and asked her where she was so I could come and go home with her. Jadi dianter pulang.. And my parents wasn't home already! Mau ngga mau kita nunggu di mobil sekitar setengah jam or 45menit. That was minutes with sweet talks, stupid conversations, sweet talks again, dreadful jokes, sweet talks (oh did I mention this before?), jokes again, and the warmest hug. Everybody love being hugged, don't say no. And the forehead kisses. YES BABY even bitches love forehead kisses. Sampe akhirnya nyokap bokap sampe rumah. End of the pretty cold night.

....and my phone was still dead.

Sms ke hp nyokap "Aku udah di rumah" cukup buat bikin tidur gue nyenyak. Uhhh i can't believe I'm such a fool writing this shit. But sometimes fools have the greatest life. So don't underestimate them. Us. No, them. I'm not a fool.

July 23rd. Gue bangun jam sebelas pagi (atau siang, didn't really care, that was holiday) karena telfon dari Rara. Suaranya agak2 lega gimana gitu pas gue ngangkat dan bilang baru bangun.

"Gila deh di semua orang nyariin blablablabla gabisa dihubungin blablabla kirain ilang blabla"

"Kenapa pada nyariin....?", I thought I'm not the type of person yg dicari-cariin orang kaya gitu sepagi ini (iya gue masih nganggep jam 11 itu pagi).

"Katanya kamu mau nonton futsal di Soemantri jam 8? Makanya dicariin orang2 kirain ilang di jalan."

"Oh.", damn gue lupa janji kemaren mau nonton futsal Astrolabs.. jam 8 di GOR Soemantri. Pantes.

Terus gue buka twitter, ada mention dari Paras.

Iya....ternyata segitunya....sampe pasang pm dan kata jasmine bocah brengsek satu itu hampir bmin orang2 hahahah. Orang gila juga seneng kalo ada yg nyariin kaya gitu. Ahahahha one moment in time.

"Kamu kemana aja sih gue kira lo ilang abis kata orang2 kamu ke soemantri terus kan kebiasaan suka jalan2 sendirian takutnya pas lagi naik busway atau apa diculik orang gimana mana ditelfon gabisa ditanyain ke temen2 kamu pada gatau gimana ngga panik terus akhirnya aku disuruh coba telfon ke rumah aja ternyata baru bangun sialan lo ya.", kira2 kaya gitu deh ngomongnya pas nelfon. Beneran panjang lebar. Nafas bang nafas...

"Ya kamu pake pasang pm kaya gitu orang2 jadi ikutan panik tau."

"Abisnya gimana. Yaudah kamu ke rumah aku ya ini ada *beep* dan *beep*. Mau jalan. Kan kita anniv.", ....eh iya. Tanggal 23. 4 bulanan. Maaf aku tadinya lupa pantesan aja dicariin... :")

Then I spent the rest of the 23rd of June with a permanent smile tattoed on my face. Doubledate nonton Insidious. Walau sama2 takutan nonton film setan. Pertama, dan mungkin terakhir kalinya gue nonton horor bareng. We ended up watching our own palm. Alias tutup mata sepanjang film. Nevertheless, we owned the night. Dan mengulang hari kemarennya, dia nganter gue balik di jam yang sama tapi untung nyokap bokap skrg udah ada di rumah. A short trip across the town (yeaa rumah gue di luar kota. Bekasi, tepatnya. Kalo masih bisa dibilang 'luar kota' :P) with Three Cheers for Five Years-nya Mayday Parade. Itu lagu gue yg ngasih potongan liriknya ke dia. Terus abis itu kayanya di download. Sebenernya gue mau ngupload lagunya tapi shit happens uploading failed. Gue kasih lirik aja.

I swear that you don't have to go

I thought we could wait for the fireworks

I thought we could wait for the snow

To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt

I thought I could live in your arms

And spend every moment I had with you

Stay up all night with the stars

Confess all the faith that I had in you (I had in you)

Too late, I'm sure and lonely

Another night, another dream wasted on you

Just be here now against me

You know the words, so sing along for me, baby

For heaven's sake I know you're sorry

But you won't stop crying

This anniversary may never be the same

Inside I hope you know I'm dying

With my heart beside me

In shattered pieces that may never be replaced

And if I died right now you'd never be the same

I thought with a month of apart

Together would find us an opening

And moonlight would provide the spark

And that I would stumble across the key

Or break down the door to your heart

Forever could see us - not you and me

And you'd help me out of the dark

And I'd give my heart as an offering

Too late, I'm sure and lonely

Another night, another dream wasted on you

Just be here now against me

You know the words, so sing along for me, baby

For heaven's sake I know you're sorry

But you won't stop crying

This anniversary may never be the same

Inside I hope you know I'm dying

With my heart beside me

In shattered pieces that may never be replaced

And if I died right now you'd never be the same

And I will always remember you as you are right now to me

And I will always remember you now, remember you now

Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side

Sleep alone tonight

How does he feel, how does he kiss?

How does he taste while he's on your lips?

How does he feel, how does he kiss?

How does he taste while he's on your lips?

How does he feel, how does he kiss?

How does he taste while he's on your lips?

How does he feel, how does he kiss?

I can't forget you

I know you want me to want you

I want to

But I can't forget you

So when this is over don't blow your composure, baby

I can't forget you

I know you want me to want you I want to

But I can't forget you

So when this is over don't blow your composure, baby

I can't forget you

I know you want me to want you, I want too

At this time, 6 months after, I'm listening carefully to the song. "

This anniversary may never be the same"

Hey... gue kan bukan mau cerita soal itu sebelumnya :'""" Mestinya tentang the death of my blackberry riteee? Tapi lately I realized, ternyata bb gue mati karna belom dicharge. You have rights to kill me ;p

XOXO, babygirl.

New page doesn't always mean new story

Think I'm going to start over relationship with my blogspot again since I have no other 'relationship' to look for anymore. ;)

And that's why I'm gonna start this again. Blue blank moments. Feels like the world is just blue, and empty, just blue. Everybody must have ever had moments like that right? I thought this site was no longer being noticed by others. I'll write to get those bombs in the bottom of my heart blown up, free to explode. I have twitter and facebook and other social networks but they were just too mainstream. I don't want to look THAT miserable (although I actually am).

So here I am, start over the blog. First post in 2011 while today is 4 day away from 2012. Who cares. XOXO!

Trashyyy

Hello there. Setaun lebih ga ngepost merasa bersalah juga ya jadinya. Can't imagine how much things I've been through since I wrote that last post. 2011 must have been the year when everybody get big lessons of life.

Thats all. Thankyou.