3.18.2020

17/03/2020 - Day 3 Self-Quarantine

Let's skip the movie talk today.
I did watch a movie, The Purge, but nothing important we can conclude from it. Except for the blatant fact the movie points out about how the nicest people could turn into beast to protect their loved ones.

Let's discuss reality.
How it happens on earth right now.
On the verge of crisis, society once again fails to exhibit humanity values.
My parents are both doctors. They work at a local hospital no more than 10 kilometers away from my house. My father runs the hospital chain, knowing every facts and issues they have had from +10 years ago. Yet he doubt his experience would hundred percent helpful for this pandemic handling measures.

He said that some of the healthcare workers at the hospital are resigning, or at least filing their request. Doctors, nurses, even security guards.
Wait, what? They avoid contracting the virus by running from them, not fighting on them.
I know it sounds bad. But seeing from their perspectives, they might have an elderly to look for in their houses, or siblings with complex diseases, or newborn babies. Who knows?
The only thing we can rely on, is their willing to sacrifice by helping those strangers in need. And it's expensive. Are we wealthy enough to pay for it?

We had never really prepared for this. Our healthcare system and infrastructures are obviously not ready. How about the workers?
Here is a short insightful article about Occupational Groups who face the greatest risk of being infected by Covid-19. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/03/15/business/economy/coronavirus-worker-risk.html

This graph shows group of professions who are most likely exposed directly to the disease and/or to the infected patients who carry the disease. Each bubble represents an occupation, the bigger it is, the more people do that job.

Healthcare workers are at greatest risk. They can encounter diseases and infections daily through their regular jobs and they typically work in close proximity to one another and their patients.

This is an obvious fact, but at least it can remind us how important the role of healthcare workers are in this kind of situation. A situation my father once called, a healthcare warfare. (..um, John is that you?) Anyway, hop to the original article site so you can check what do each of the bubble represent and how much they earn.

--

Today also remind me about my childhood dream of being a doctor.
I once fought so hard to get into medical school and I lost it.
But actually, the thing I lost first was my initial reason of pursuing it.

In the middle of the fight, I forgot why I did it.
I forgot about the nights when my mother dropped me off to Grandma's house because she had night duty at the ER. Some nights she could catch a quick sleep in between patients, some nights she was busy saving lives.
I forgot about the months my father wasn't home to be with me, wasn't even in the country, to pursue higher study so he could be better in saving lives.
I forgot about the years our family had just enough for basic necessities, but not enough for my tuition next month, so Mom tried to find another job because apparently having an MD and save lives still couldn't pay the bills.
I forgot about those moments, yet I still insist on going for it.

I failed, most of you might know already.
Twice.

I don't know. Would it be different if I remembered all those things?

3.17.2020

16/03/2020 - Day 2 of Self-Quarantine

Look, this is Monday. Some of us still go to work, some of us work remotely from our own home. I personally stayed at home and successfully conducted a regular meeting through our Whatsapp group. I spent my day cooking Sirloin steak with my mother while still having my online presence on the Whatsapp group, in case anyone needs me to do my job right away. Not my typical Monday, not having to rush from home early in the morning so I could arrive at the office on time and prepare myself for a regular lunch meeting later that day.

This Monday we go slow
Wake up a little bit later,
Shower a little bit longer,
Workout a little bit harder,
And most importantly,
Home a little bit merrier.

Our usual Monday would not let us to go slow
We wake up early to avoid those traffic
We shower fast if we want to have time for breakfast
Do we even workout? I don't think so.
And our home is empty until later the evening.
But not today.

Could we take this chance to reconnect with our family?
To reconnect with our earth?
To reconnect with our past self?

15/03/2020 - Day 1 of Self-Quarantine

Covid-19 outbreak is entering our city. We're approaching stage 2 of pandemic status with more than a hundred of cases and up to 3% death toll. The government is trying to contain this pandemic by promoting 'social distancing'. Companies & schools are formulating remote activities system, including my office.

My thought right now: I'm sure my survival chance is high. A 25 years old and working out at least 3 times per week, I believe my immune is strong. But nobody knows if I was, or still am, an asymptomatic carrier of this disease. If so, that would be harmful for anyone in contact with me above the age of 50, or already carrying another disease in their body.

Living with parents with age over 50 and frequently visit a 75 years old grandmother, that thought surely haunts me to the core. I travel quite a lot across the city within the previous week. I might be in contact with anyone travelling from affected countries within the past week. Maybe from the gym, or on the office lift, or from the bar. I might not realize until it happens. And let's just pray it won't.

To let the thoughts away, I'd like to spend this 2 weeks of quarantine into a movie-marathon week. Today I'll start with movie with quite a resemblance from our current situation.

93 Days, adapted from a true story of a group of medical health workers in Nigeria when they were trying to contain Ebola from an outbreak in 2014. I might not dive on details, what I can say is the movie shows a handful of disturbing images of Ebola-infected patients. And it certainly not the best image you wish to see during an actual outbreak in your city 😅

But well, it was Ebola. Disease with up to 90% mortality rate involving fatal hemorrhage and organ failures. Here now we are facing a different monster with mortality rate under 3%, not to belittle Covid-19, but probably more controllable than what it showed in 93 Days.

One thing I can learn from the movie,
it was to trust yourself.
One female doctor in Nigeria was trusting herself enough to contain an infectious disease from spreading to a city with 20 millions people packed and pressed together. The index patient lie about his contact with Ebola and the doctor trusted her guts for not trusting him. She trusted herself enough, or otherwise it would be the worst outbreak in a mega-populated city.

Trust yourself enough to decide.
Trust yourself enough to be patient.
Trust yourself enough to keep things.
Trust yourself enough to let go.

4.18.2016

Please,

allow me to reintroduce myself-

2.13.2015

Never too late saying hello 2015!

Well, okay, I'm a month late.
Considering that I've just finished my 30 days out of town, up on the hill, surrounded by people only God knew who, but surprisingly became a precious time, I can tell that blogging is my current interest.
A million to share. A billion in mind.
You know, I've never thought this is gonna be one hell of experience.
They said, this is gonna be boring.
They said, prepare your fun time ammunition (read: DVDs, lots of DVDs).
And we prove them wrong.

See, we had a lot of fun. You can see sparks splattered everywhere.

"And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?"
(Keane - Somewhere Only We Know)

10.09.2014

Are we?

"Take my hand
Let's see where we wake up tomorrow"

And you lost yourself to someone
That you want yourself to lost into.
But no, wait
You don't want yourself getting lost into them.

You want them.
To get lost together with.
Sometimes, it works.
Sometimes, it doesn’t.
Most of times, it works at the first
And then it doesn’t.
It just stops in the middle.

”So let's get drunk on our tears

Tears? What tears?
Have you ever get hurt,
Without any scars
Because, well, nobody hurt you anyway
You just.. get hurt by yourself
By thinking too deep
Or trying too hard
Maybe holding too tight
Or reaching too far

Then there will be no one to blame.
Let’s just get drunk on it.

“And God, tell us the reason
Youth is wasted on the young

Some people happen to be mature enough to sail through their waves,
when the others are not.
Some people still looking for reasons to continue living,
when the others are making one themselves.

“Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars
Trying to light up the dark

We all find one, eventually.
We'll create the meaning,
we'll draw the lines,
and we'll write up the story.

"I thought I saw you out there crying
I thought I heard you call my name
I thought I heard you out there crying"


But, it’s just my thought.

(Lost Stars - Adam Levine)

6.22.2014

How much failures can be handled by one person in a year?

I was randomly thinking about this failure, since I've got much this year.
In what point could a person stop surviving and start cracking into pieces?
Would this related to the way he/she face it?
Or would this just another issue of time healing?

Everybody must have been through failures, that is clear.
But actually, there is some of them that you refuse to make peace with.
In any reason.
It may caused by the falling dreams, or the broken hopes.
It may also caused by the act of letting go. Or not letting go.

"Now and then I pace my place
I can't retrace how I got here
I cheat the light to check my face

It's slightly harder than last year"
(Born and Raised - John Mayer)

You see your own failures as lessons, wisely said.
They do not wisely ask:
How would you see your loved ones' failures?

5.08.2014

Why don't you play the game?


Oh, I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
I wish this dream comes true

(Digital Love - Daft Punk)

Last week, I was randomly going to cinema and pick random movie.
So I watched Transcendence.

No.. this is not a review post. I'm not really good at this.
It's about the whole point of the movie I think they want to tell us.

About some kind of digital love.
A couple of mad scientists playing God.
And eventually make major trouble.

About some kind of technological extreme development.
A couple of mad scientists playing God.
And eventually make major trouble.

Related to our life these days, they harshly made film to mirrored us ourselves.
Where we made more digital contacts than direct.
And trust machine more than human being.
Can live without eating food for a day but can't without charging phones.
Just.. Well, fuck me. I've been DIGITALLY online since 7PM and I'm writing this thing.



4.19.2014

Tempus fugit, non autem memoria

So, yes darling
For those who had bumped this site years behind, might concern I got one post titled exactly the same.
“Time flies, but not memories.”
One fav line of mine, a Latin quote from Antologi Rasa by Ika Natassa. Great local lit with light urban plot.
The first time I read that novel, in late 2011, there was a strong bond between me and the words. It’s like everything she wrote on that, explained anything unspoken going on thru my mind. And I was just “God, she’s right” over any quotes written.
Years later, 2014, right now I’m re-reading this as a kind of escape from current time.
Still I love how she combines every paragraphs into different views and brings emotion thru the characters.
And I’m like, uh, such a pity I’ve been going on times not having an urge to read any literatures. I missed everything, right?

Well, what do you think?
Time flies, but not memories.
It’s just.. memories also fly away, don’t they?
Because if they don’t,
Why do we need any photographers to capture our wedding day?
Why do we need any diaries to describe our feelings on the first day of school?
Why do we need any times gather with old friends reminiscing great moments?
Because if they really don’t,
Why do we need to learn History in school?
Why do we need to keep important documents on a water-and-fire-proof boxes?
Why do we need to make any scrapbooks of our kids’ growth?

As a soul fly, memories follow.
Appreciate what you can’t buy, what you wish you can give everything in the world to have, but can’t.

”And in my dreams, I meet the ghosts of all the people who have come and gone
Memories, they seem to show up so quick but they leave you far too soon
Naïve I was just staring at the barrel of a gun
And I do believe that, yeah”


(High Hopes – Kodaline)

8.12.2013

Live life to its fullest

"Let's make this fleeting moment last forever
So, tell me what you're waiting for?
I'm gonna keep it frozen here forever,
There's no regretting anymore."

(Krewella - Alive)

Why would you like when you can love?
Why would you smile when you can laugh?
Why would you hold when you can hug?
Why would you be good when you can be awesome?
Live life to its fullest.

....and when you look at those silent pictures, you can hear voices inside your head

How's that even possible?
Rebuilding blurred images
Reminding silent sounds
Remembering unsmelly smells

It just happened.
Without you even tried.
And then you smile,
or cry instead.

"You think that I wanna run and hide
I'll keep it all locked up inside
But I just want you to find me
I'm not lost, I'm not lost, just undiscovered"
(James Morrison - Undiscovered)



3.29.2013

I wonder if I were bitch enough to stop by and go offline.


"Tell me, what can I say?
What am I gonna do?
How should I feel when everything is you?
What kind of love is this that you're givin' me?
Is it in your kiss or just because you're sweet?"
(Barry White - Can't Get Enough of Your Love)

3.14.2013

When you're gone too far to get back and pick what had been left out.

You know my paper heartThe one i filled with pencil marksI think I might have gone and inked you in(A Face to Call Home - John Mayer)

3.08.2013

When doubt takes over.

What's the word between jerk and lucky?
What's the feeling between sad and happy?
What's the thing between fine and sorry?

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

(Torn - Natalie Imbruglia)

You can always find a spectrum of an intermediate color between black and white.
It's gray.
And now you know where I'm standing now.


2.22.2013

Intersection

Through your lifetime, you'll get yourself stand in an intersection thousand of times.
You have bunch of options, each has different pros and cons.
But it's not always about what or who you choose.
It's what brings you to have your choice.
So there come questions,

Why?

"I had no reason to let you know
about the things I feel inside
but I can’t capture in my thoughts again
I had no reason to let you know
About the things I feel inside
But I can’t capture in my thoughts with you.
It didn’t hurt when I was leaving.
It twisted when you cried only to break when you found somebody new"
(Another Dawn - Breakbot)

1.28.2013

Loving him was red.


Loving him was red.


"Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street
Faster than the wind
Passionate as sin, ended so suddenly
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met
Touching him is like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song

Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone

But loving him was red.."
(Red - Taylor Swift)

Samsung Galaxy Note II Contest on Polyvore

12.16.2012

It's 10:42 PM on a rainy and wasted Saturday night in the middle of December

Well, it's me again, writing after months. This young lady is in her freshmen year now :)
People, let me tell you short story about my college life.
I didn't get into Medical Faculty as what I've been dreaming about since years ago.
Instead, I got into Faculty of Economic and Business, concentrate in Management.
I thanked God for it, by the way.
I don't know, I still hope being a doctor someday. Perhaps I'll try next year or after getting a degree in Economy.

Above all of that, I like my new life here in Bandung.
Where weekend lasts for 7 days and weekday is just a word in between.


Staying up from night to noon and vice versa.

Seeing sunrise. Moko, September 2012.


Celebrating birthday with the new ones.

Brighten my first day of October.
I have a lot of ups and downs. But hey, what more do you expect?
Cheers to the anger and tears, we got moodboosters here.
Food.
On a random midnights and middays, we eat.

BBQ Party. Dareiga's, October 2012.
So these are small parts of moments I had spent my life with in 5 months.
People come and go like our grandparents always said.
But what kills us is when you look into life of the people you used to know best, and realize you're not there. What kills us is when you look on the smiles and laughters of people you love most, and realize you're not the reason. What kills us is when you look on my post right now, and realize I'm right and you feel the same.

"So don't you ever forget about me
When you toss and turn in your sleep
I hope it's because you can't stop thinking about
The reasons why you close your eyes"
Scene Four-Don't You Ever Forget About Me - Sleeping with Sirens

8.17.2012

How's life, you?



The world as I see it, is a remarkable place
A beautiful house in a forest, of stars in outer space
From a birds eye view, I can see it has a well-rounded personality
From a birds eye view, I can see we are family
(The World As I See It - Jason Mraz)

You start seeing world from a different perception.
You don't change, you just adapt.
You go to the wrong direction.
You're not bad, you're just curious what will you find out there.
You can't stop talking about your past.
You're not sad, you just need to talk about it.
You miss one doesn't miss you back.
Is that a problem?

6.28.2012

Have you ever gone through an endception?

I thought I've come to an end. But actually there are waiting the very end of it.


"And I'd give away a thousand days, oh
Just to have another one with you"
Summer Paradise - Simple Plan